Beelander: There Can Be Only Pun

I had sent this out to the email list in preparation for our previous show (Case of the Disappearing Bees on April 2nd), but there were so many terrible puns that I wanted to put it up here for your amusement / groans. So. Many. Terrible. Puns.


To bee-iterate:

When we last joined our heroes, they had just learned that the bee-nefit concert was to bee this Saturday, April 2nd, starting at 8 bee em sharp and going until 9 at the Steel City Improv Theater. Admission was $5.

The address was 808-B(ee) Tripoli St, Pittsburgh, PA, 15212, and their phone number is 412-322-1000. (I suspect you could leave a message after the bee-p.)

Burgh Bees will bee there, Bob and Kate are joining me once again*, and each song will be loosely interpreted by the Steel City Improv Theater’s resident silly people.  If you want more improv afterwards, they’ll have another show at 9:30pm, but if you need to buzz off I’m sure they’ll understand.

Sooooo… That’s probably all the actual information. At this time, I’m just going to make as many puns as possible.

When booking the show we tried to get Queen to play with us, but we feared that the resulting swarm would overcrowd the SCIT. Like the inside of a jar full of honey, it would be a sticky situation.

If you wear a bee costume I will be 23% more likely to give you a spontaneous high-five. However, if you should instead choose to wear a space suit, in order to commemorate Apollo 11, I will not object. Toy Story is also acceptable.

As much penance as we undoubtedly should make for our collective human sins against bees and other wildlife, I do not think you necessarily need to shave your head for the occasion, although a buzz-cut may be an appropriate show of solidarity.

We’re playing an acoustic set, but if we were to use our Big Muff distortion, I guess that would make it, technically, a buzz pedal.

You should DEFINITELY leave your circular saws at home, pun or no pun. Unless we’re talking about the Transformer or a particular brand of bowling ball.

Okay, these are just getting really obscure. I better stop here, for I fear that if I make too many more puns, someone will call the police on me, and then Sting will show up and I’ll have to help pollinate some fields of gold.

In bees,

Benjamin Saalbach-Walsh

Stinger, punnist, and songwriter


P.S. Have you heard <a href=”/audio/FGC-The_Christians_and_the_Pagans.mp3″>my cover of Dar Williams’s The Christians and the Pagans</a> yet? As you may know, I am pretty passionate about beeligious tolerance. It’s all about beespect!

P.P.S. Man, I didn’t even get to the Buzz Poets, let alone Bobby McFerrin… but like he said, don’t worry, bee happy.


*What is not noted here, but which I had noted in the previous email, is that Bob on cello and Kate on fiddle make up a sting section.